Cheers to Toasting!!!

I’m in the mood to toast something tonight. There’s nothing special to celebrate, I’m just in the mood.

When I toast I always say, “Here’s to…”. What the hell does that mean? Here’s some wine to your new job? Here’s where I’m supposed to lift my glass and say something meaningful to honor your marriage? Here’s where I say ‘here’s to…” because I don’t know any other way to make a toast? What’s up with that?

So, I thought I should do some research. I got way more information than I wanted, but I did find out that bunches of people say, “here’s to…” although it makes so little grammatical sense to me. That was until I came across one that said, “Cheers to Maria!” Well, look a that! What do we have here? How many times does this happen with language? Somebody hears something wrong, repeats it wrong and then the rest of the world starts saying something that’s nothing more than a stupid mistake. I wish I could think of an example of what I mean, but they all escape me at the moment. Damn, my ex was notorious for screwing up a saying. We literally used to sit in church and write them down. We had a running list. He’d say stuff like, “on the blink of a dime”. What the hell does that mean? What’s it supposed to mean? I should post a list, if I can think of them, with a call for interpretations. I used to think he made up jug-handled curve, but I heard someone else say that….oh, oh, here’s one: She couldn’t hit the broad side of a barnyard. Hello?!?!?!?! Does your barnyard have walls? What was I talking about?

Oh, yes, sayings we’ve mutilated. Let me know if you think of any. This one is like nails on a chalkboard for me: I could care less. Well, if you could care less about the issue, obviously it is at least of some importance to you…so, what’s the point in mentioning it? It’s: I couldn’t care less, people. Trust. If you don’t believe me, plug both of them into a sentence about something that is of absolutely no significance to you and let me know what you get. I think Here’s to is supposed to be Cheers to. Now that makes sense. I can sleep easy tonight. I hate sounding like an idiot.

I found a toast that is now my favorite, and I toast all of you lovelies. Do you have favorite, funny, or tear-jerking toasts? I’d love to here them. In the meantime:

To temperance . . . in moderation.
Lem Motlow division

Oh. My favorite toasting superstition is that after toasting (clinking glasses) you must first put your glass down and then drink, otherwise you’ll have seven years of bad sex. Listen people. I must have made this mistake somewhere along the line. It would explain so much. Don’t chance it. Trust me.
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18 thoughts on “Cheers to Toasting!!!

  1. You’re supposed to put your glass down first? Really? Well, I’ll be dipped in shit and rolled in Post Toasties. (A little tidbit- um- from my years in TN.) That does explain so much, along with all those broken mirrors.

    “I could care less” has always been one of my pet teeth-gnashers, too. Thank you for clearing it up. I hope those who need to, listen.

    I like to make up toasts when I’m called upon to offer them, personal remarks that make more sense, at least to me, than “cheers’ or “salut” or “here’s to fill-in-the-blanks.” I also buy blank greeting cards and write something original inside.

    Your marriage sounds like a case of pearls before swine. Speaking of barnyards…

  2. W Heart

    Post Toasties!!! I remember those! Without the shit-dip, thank you.

    You’re such a great writer, I’m sure your cards and toasts are beyond eloquent. I like blank cards or to just send notes on pretty stationery. I’m such a sap, though. I always cry when I say what’s really on my heart. I’d suck at Toastmasters. I can’t ever get it out without blubbering. I love hard, you know? And once I love you, I love you! I’ve mentioned many times that I have some of the best friends in the world. Makes you wonder how I ended up with… I usually pick people well. (May I recline on your couch?)

    It was a mess, Heart. You don’t know the half of it.

  3. Well I could care less about this topic but you made it rather interesting. Cheers! Is a toast all by itself, that I grew up hearing. So I do believe you are correct! Cheers to being correct and well informed. Hear! Hear! or Here! Here! That wa the typical response. What’s up with that?

  4. I don’t know the details, but I know something about unhappy marriages.

    I hate that I cry at highly charged moments, too. I was a soggy mess at my daughter’s college graduation and wedding. Thank God for waterproof mascara!

    Nearly everyone has a trial run or two before they get the right partner. It’s a painful learning experience, though. Speak of tough love!

    You’re a wonderful writer yourself. I so enjoy your posts and your views and humor.

  5. A southern phrase I always found odd was “Well slap my ass and call me Sally!”

    I’m not sure I really want to know how that one originated.

  6. You know my heart! “Could” care less is my biggest pet peeve. “Could you? I say. “Is there a lower depth of feeling you might reach?”

    Incorrect: Have your cake and eat it, too.
    Correct: Eat your cake and have it, too.

    And “spitting image” was originally “spirit and image.” My theory is:
    1. spirit and image
    2. spi’t an’ image (Southern accent)
    3. spittin’/spitting image

    Many people misuse “literally.” (Not you, of course.) Notonly do they use it to mangle metaphors (“I literally died laughing”), but they redundantly make it a preface to an action they actually took (“I literally sat down”).

    I am glad to know I am not alone in the struggle.

  7. @ Heart

    Interesting that you’d mention the benefits of starter marriages, I woke up this morning thinking I’d write a list of the 50 or 100 lessons you learn in marriage #1! Maybe I’ll post it. Wanna tag team this one?

    Thanks for the compliment.

    I’m June 6th!!

    @ Andy

    Me either!

    @ Macarena

    I have found my soulmate!!!

    Thanks for the contributions. I knew the cake one, but I forget at times. I just knew spitting image didn’t make sense, never knew where it came from. It’s like people thanking God for being “clothed in my right mind” when the phrase is actually “clothed AND in my right mind”.

    Keep ’em coming. I’m in my glee.

    ¡Salud!

  8. I don’t know, Lex, isn’t it dangerous if there are two of us who think this way?

    Lessons Learned sounds great.

    At her reception, a new bride introduced her groom as “My first husband, Richard.”

  9. @ Macarena

    I think I’m going to start working on Lessons Learned. I have a guy friend who’s divorced, I should hear his list as well…um, maybe not. LOL

    Ex decided to surprise me by getting a tattoo with my name on his left arm for our second anniversary. The first words out of my mouth (I swear to God) were, “Oh my God, what’s your second wife gonna think?”

  10. Wooops. LOL. FUNNY story. I guess you always knew it wouldn’t last. But you didn’t tell us his reaction. Please, oh please. I have to know what he said.

  11. Well, I get all crazy kinds of goof-ups at my church (where I attend for a good laugh). My pastor always says “The Lord inhibits our praise!”. Inhibits!! So, He’s restraining us from praising Him?!? I feel like holding up a sign – “It’s inhabits, you idiot!” Can I buy a vowel and a dictionary! He also cannot say sepulcher, instead he says – yep, you guessed it – sculpture.

  12. Girl! Please don’t get me started on illiteracy in the pulpit.

    But, it’s not just the pulpit apparently, we’ve got one in the White House with pages and pages on the web dedicated to his ignorance.

    Notice these are all men. I’m just sayin’!

  13. @ Heart

    Oh, I guess you would want to know the reaction. Sorry.

    He figured I was joking, as I’m sure I was at the time, so he played along. He said something along the lines of, “she’ll just have to be ok with it!”

    Self-fulfilling prophecy? Freudian slip? You tell me.

  14. I’m so glad you’re Ex-free, or I’d want to shake some sense into you. “Second wife”! Nice foreshadowing.

    Bush: If you can’t pronounce “nuclear,” you really shouldn’t use the capability.

    We are not alone in the struggle:
    GrammarHell is with us.

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