I just don’t understand…

My heart is so heavy tonight. I ache.

I keep asking myself why, how, why is there so much hate on this planet for women?

What on earth makes someone think that it’s ok to rape women with hot curling irons? Kill the rape victim in the name of honor, while the rapist goes free? Express military prowess by raping the women and girls of the defeated opponent? Stalk an ex and pick up the phone to advise the police that you’re about to kill her, just before you kill yourself? Cleanse yourself of HIV by raping 7 virgins? I mean, really, if you even really believed that would work, why would you do it?

What makes someone believe that women are so worthless? So disposable? So insignificant?

Why is it that all the spiritual texts of the world’s major religions are used over and over to justify such hatred? Such mistreatment? And disrespect?

What could 6 little girls possibly have done, or possibly represent, that their molestation and murder could provide someone relief? Revenge?

How is it possible that there are women who support and defend misogynists? Who succumb? Who bow down? Who submit? Who encourage and browbeat others to conform?

How is it possible that women lash out at the other woman, when it was the man who owes loyalty?

I’m really bothered by the Amish man who stood by the body of the dead 13 year old girl and taught the boys around him to not think evil towards the man who did this, but to forgive? I’m sorry, but, for me, there is so much that needs to come before forgiveness. Honor her life for God’s sake. Be angry. Acknowledge the evil. Value her life.

If we’re not supposed to be irrate about what happened in Paradise, Pennsylvania, what on earth is supposed to make us angry?

I feel so strongly that if we women don’t love and care for one another, no one will. We can’t afford to hate each other, fight each other, tear down each other. Our girls can’t afford to see us divided.

I’m planning to attend Sheryl Lee Ralph’s one-woman play that deals with the number of Black women dying from HIV. So many despite the fact that they are in monogamous, heterosexual relationships and marriages…or so they think. Tell me what makes it ok that the fact that you haven’t come to terms with your sexuality gives you the right to lie, cheat and expose your wife to the rotten fruit of your high-risk behavior? What makes us so insignificant that the risk to us is not considered?

I ache tonight. I ache for women everywhere. I don’t understand.


12 thoughts on “I just don’t understand…

  1. Thanks, Heart.

    I need it. And hugs to you and all the wonderful, beautiful, amazing, priceless, precious, lovely, incredible women who stop by here!

    You all make me appreciate women more each day.

    Thank you.

  2. Hubby is a preacher, and no where in the Bible does it say abuse, murder and rape women. It says for men to love their wives (and women in general) as Christ loves the church.

    It’s so hard to understand all of this chaos and violence. I pray a lot.

  3. @ Christina

    I know. Ex was a preacher, and so was I. I can’t count how many times I’ve heard of women being talked out of leaving marriages where they’re being raped or beaten–in the name of submission.

    I know that none of these texts condone this treatment of women, but I am frustrated by how they are used to justify it. Not by all, but by too many.

    I had a guy tell me a few days ago that the Bible only says that “men” are created in God’s image, not women. I damn near lost it.

    Please keep praying.

  4. That comment doesn’t even dignify a response. What an idiot. As if God didn’t form both with His own hands.

    Unfortunately, sacred texts are used to support all kinds of evil. The KKK bases their foolishness on the Bible, supposedly.

    As a Christian, I’m really irritated by the abuses of people that are justified with scripture. And I really feel for God. I hate when I’m taken out of context or misunderstood. How must He feel?

  5. Real men love women — their mothers, sisters, daughters, wives, cousins. They respect them, they take pride in protecting them (whether we need protection or not) The need to have power over women and to control them comes from weak men with weak minds. As a woman who is getting married soon, I take pride in being equal partners. There is no need for submission. I love being his woman soon to be his wife and I love having him as my man – soon to be husband. There is no submission involved—lots of compromise from both of us –but no submission.

  6. While women also abuse and assault women, all men are often held responsible for the actions of…well, not all of them. Good guys don’t have good PR.

    We can’t work together as women because there is always someone who will break the picket line and go get a man. I guess those women really believe that men are better. Think about how when we want equality, we’re supposed to do things not differenlt or in a new/better way, but the way do it – the way that excludes us and doesn’t fucking work!

    Women are hated not because people really believe we’re powerless, but because they fear our power. Any study of the feminine in religion or matriarchal traditions reveals the richness of female power. There was a time and there were societies where women did their thing, and it wasn’t warming the man’s slippers before he came home from work.

    I freak out over bugs and try to kill them or flush them as quickly as possible. Because I fear them. I can’t bear the idea that they may touch me or crawl over me or leave a mark, a stain.

    What’s ridiculous is that when women are revered for their feminine power, men aren’t subjugated. We don’t want to take over so we can turn the tables, yet that seems to be the panic of patriarchy. Otherwise, where’s the harm is a more just world?

  7. I think that the violence is part a control issue, part a fear issue, and part a respect issue.

    We live in a society that doesn’t respect woman. People think of feminist’s as evil. The most famous role models today are young girls having sex with multiple men on video tapes. We live in a porn obsessed society. We have a media who seems to disregard woman issues and there is no real movement towards demanding the respect we need.

    It’s funny, but as woman we all face prejudice, violence, judgement, double-standards, etc…And it transcends race or culture. Woman are treated like shit everywhere.

    I read an interesting report about China recently. You know how they instituted the 2 child rule and how parents were killing their baby girls because they aren’t as valuable as men? Well, they are paying the price for that now. In many villages in China there is such a shortage of woman that the men have had to leave the village in order to have families. Villages are turning up abandoned everywhere because of this. Rape is also on the rise because of the pack animal mentality that if everyone is doing it, somehow the individuals can’t be blamed. The Nazi’s used that one too. Scary, huh?

    I always tell people that woman need to be valued and cherished. We are the key to human survival. If you have a village with 10 men and one woman, you can’t really build a strong village that fast. A woman will probably only have a baby once a year. If you have 10 woman and one man, there could be a whole small town of people in 20 years. Maybe it’s that idea of being so useless that is making men hurt woman.

    Sorry for this rambling comment. But, as a feminist (and I am, no doubt about it), as a woman, as a loving person, as a productive member of society–it hurts my soul that this violence goes on.

  8. You have hit on something when you resonate that there is something wrong with the World. We have seen the enemy and it is in our own hearts. The realization is that at Creation we were made without sin but once well fell the Fall was a horror that we can never recover from apart from the Grace and Mercy of God. The Cross of Christ dictates that God cared enough to die and pay the price for the sins of all the world (Jn 3:16). Jesus weeps for the state that the world is in and only with a life that is walking the Faith in Christ will there ever be redemption from death to life. Yes we call to action and justice so the world may see that Christ is sufficient and we see that God is all about making the world see that the thirst it has is found in Him alone. Isaiah 55:1 says that those who thirst need only find their fulfullment in Christ (John 7). All This to exhort you Lex… Don’t let circumstances and culture get to to be downcast but put your Hope in God. He never lets you down. Gal. 6:14 I will boast only in the Cross of Christ fotr through it I am crucified to the world and the world to me.

  9. Lex, this sounds similar to a post I just did about the crazy things happening in the world. I don’t understand either.

  10. I agree with Heart, you said it. Now is the time to act. As I commented on Gela’s very similar post: *All that is required for evil to prosper is for good people to stand aside and do nothing*
    Count me in.

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