Penance



To everyone I have ever interrupted, loud talked or talked over…

To everyone to whom I’ve ever come off as if I absolutely know it all…

To everyone whose conversations I have butted into uninvited…

To everyone upon whom I’ve tried to impose my whack-ass views as if they were truth…

To everyone who has considered me an absolute annoying ass for any other reason…

I am so incredibly sorry.

Please forgive me. Tell me how many “Hail Mary’s” and “Our Father’s” I must say to absolve myself. How much chicken blood must I drink? How many candles must I light? Poor people must I feed?

Tell me. I’ll do it. I’ll do anything to be delivered of the HELL I am enduring in my office with this new attorney.

If this is Karma, reaping what I’ve sown, divine punishment of some other kind, please let me know what I must do to FIX IT so that the retribution ends!

Please!!!

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13 thoughts on “Penance

  1. Awwww, I’m so sorry! Don’t you hate how it only takes one butthole to ruin the peace of an otherwise happy workplace?

    Isn’t she there temporarily? Somehow I had the impression this was some kind of internship for her.

  2. Ah, no. She’s permanent. Well, until the boss gets sick of it.

    Can you imagine her loud-talking the narcissist?

    Her days are probably numbered…maybe your impression was prophetic.

  3. I remember her first day in your office. I really hoped she’d been fired, quit or died by now.

    You’re not like her. We all love you. You’re a sweetheart. She’s a doodoohead. Remember the Purple Cow:

    I never saw a purple cow,
    i never hope to see one.
    But this I will say anyhow,
    I’d rather see than be one.

  4. Hopefully your office is like mine — it’s kinda like the weather cliche. If you don’t like it, wait 5 minutes. My point is that my office tends to reorganize and change constantly. Lots of people hate it, I love it. I work with this one guy we’ll call Dick because it’s so fitting. He was such a thorn in my side and I swear, I never did anything to him. Anyhow, he’s still in my department but they’ve moved him into a role that is so seperate from the rest of us — it’s kind of like the CIA sending someone to Antartica when they’ve screwed up. He still works there but can’t be responsible enough to work with normal, functional people so they moved his whole desk to the other side of the building. Why? Because he’s a dick. It’s only a matter of time, Lex.

  5. @ Christina

    Pretty please? With sugar on top.

    @ Macarena

    That was the joke part of the post.

    @ Gela

    All the things I was repenting for! Incessantly.

    @ Heart

    I love you!! She IS a doodoohead.

    @ Andy

    Yep, come get her!

    @ All

    But you know, no matter what you guys do, it won’t matter. I’ve stood in front of her PULLING MY HAIR on both sides as she cut me off for the 900th time in one conversation, walked away from her while saying, “I sure wish I could finish a sentnece”, rolled my eyes and refused to make eye contact with her (rather maintaining eye contact with the speaker she interrupted) while she talked for 3 minutes….and she is COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS!

    She doesn’t get it…and I’m afraid she’ll cut me off when I tell her about herself, and then I’ll have to kill her.

    But rest assured, the boss is a complete narcissist. she won’t put up with this for long, and I’m waiting for the cat-fight. She’s already been warned not to cut off a JUDGE!!

  6. I have found talking to my attorney like he is one of my kids having a fit works best. He seems to respect being put in his place more than being respected. Good luck with what ever solution you find!

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