I think people are often most easily defined by what they hate. I know that’s a negative way to view the world, but it’s true. What you hate tells me so much more about you than what you love. If you love cats, that’s great, but you might love dogs too. If you tell me you HATE cats, I know where you stand…and since you’re being so emphatic, if you hated dogs, you would have told me that too, in the same breath.
So, here’s 20 tidbits about me. 20 things I HATE:
20. Funerals: There’s no need for dead bodies to be on display. None. I think this is archaic and stupid. I hate the idea. I always have. I tolerate it for people I love, but no. We’ve evolved.
19. My period: No explanation needed.
18. Being manipulated: I need people to just shoot straight from the hip with me. I don’t have time for mind games. Say, “I’m a selfish bastard and I just want this to go MY way!” I’ll say it to YOU.
17. Missing the VERY beginning of a movie: This makes me so mad I want to spit nails. Then, I’m so pissed at whoever made me miss it, that I miss the next 10 minutes thinking of how much I hate them, and the next 20 trying to figure what the hell’s going on. Movies must be seen from the opening credits. Otherwise, I don’t want to watch. Period.
16. Cartoon Network: Hate it. Not even the old “good” cartoons are anything I want to see in my adult life. Ever. I don’t even want the happy, fighting, ninja, shape-shifter, squarepants images flickering in the background while I’m doing something more…adult!
15. Men who come up BEHIND you to dance: WTF? I didn’t grow up going to clubs and the like. I only go out dancing on occasion, and that’s usually salsa. I like dancing where people are facing each other, where there’s a lead and a follower. I don’t like having crotch rubbed on my ass. (Not unless I asked you to.)
14. Chocolate and mint together: Who in the world thought this was a good idea??? The smells combined make me want to wretch. Yuk!! Somehow I brought myself to try a Thin Mint, you know, the Girl Scout cookie. It wasn’t too bad. But Andes Candies and York Peppermint Patties are down the toilet with mint chocolate-chip ice cream.
13. Bugs: Duh?
12. Booger-eating (or snot-licking): Nothing will make me snatch your kid up quicker. This is disgusting. I have no tolerance for it. I will throw up in your child’s lap. Trust. I can’t even discuss adults who do it.
11. Crusty, cracked heels: Because there’s NO reason for it. None.
10. Black and white TV and movies: Again, evolution.
9. Entitlement: In all its forms. I hate it in the corporate board room…I hate it among the indignant in social services offices.
8. Sunny Delight:Orange-milk!! Yuk. And the red is Blood-milk. Gross!
7. Hospital smell: See the thing about hospitals is that I can’t help fixating on exactly what that combination of smells is comprised of. Is it blood, urine and tuna casserole? Is it feces, vomitus and chicken noodle soup? What is it?
6. Frilly head bands on bald baby girls: Look, your baby has no hair. The head band is to hold the hair (which your baby lacks) out of baby’s face. It looks stupid. We know she’s a girl by the matching dress that came with the head band. Lose it.
5. Asian mushrooms: I know most mushrooms are probably Asian, but I specifically mean the ones that look like little penis heads, pictured above.
4. House and Techno music: Just shoot me now and plan my body-less funeral…that you’re all welcome to skip, by the way.
3. Liquid Medicine: I almost threw up in my lap on the way to work this morning because remnants of my liquid vitamin were still on my top lip. When I caught a whiff I got hot, started salivating profusely. I think I swallowed 97 times in 2 minutes to keep from throwing up down my shirt. What do women do when they have morning sickness? Drive in after they finish wretching?
2. Star Trek: Not even as background noise. I will awaken from the persistent vegetative state I’ve been in for 10 years to turn off Star Trek.
1. Assholes who mistreat other people: That just wraps up so much in a nutshell. I hate people who violate, abuse, take advantage of, manipulate, harass or are just generally mean to others. It’s just wrong.
So, what about you? Make this a meme if you like. I won’t tag anyone in particular, except Andy, but if you do post your top 20 or 5 or whatever, link back here so that we can all read them.
Have a great day!