OK, now that the cat is out of the bag (see comments from post below) I can fill you all in on the 15 reasons why I’m going to marry Andy of From the Outside and have his children.
- He’s white. Yeah, that’s right. I said it. I’m not sure what kind of sandals he wears, but he’s close enough to my Birkenstock Man for government work. Do you guys remember when I swore off brothers? Problem solved.
- He cooks. Now, what women alive wouldn’t jump at the chance to get hitched to a man who knows his way around the kitchen? At least I know that on the nights I just don’t feel like cooking, I’m not sentenced to take-out, necessarily. Back off, Ladies. He’s MINE.
- He has super-high metabolism. And I hope like hell I catch it.
- He’s handy. Honey-do list, here we go. He’s already been broken in by the women in his office. And even if he’s not really broken in, he already blogged about how to get whatever I want out of him (something about asking as opposed to “bitching, moaning and complaining”). So, hey, I know the secret. No, wait, that’s carrot cake.
- He’s an IT guy. Look, I know women who have actually dated guys with no email address. YES. In 2006. So, rather than getting stuck with one of those losers, I thought I better cash in on this catch. Besides, he can tweak the hell out of my blog. Oooooh BABY!!!
- He gets women. He has acquired the keenest sense of how the world revolves (read: around US!). So, yeah. Can’t pass that up.
- He’s so intelligent. There’s so much I stand to learn from the depths of his infinite wisdom.
- And, in that infinite wisdom, he knows who to suck up to. That’s right! No matter who gets the short end of the stick, this guy’s gonna keep bringing home the bacon. Cut-throat, save your ass, sink your friends…just keep bringin’ home that check. I’ll buy the Chapstick.
- He is secure in his place in the universe. There’s nothing like a man who gets that women are, in fact, the superior gender. Eureka! I’m telling you, he needs to teach classes!!
- He’s a rock star! Show me one woman who doesn’t love a bass player. Didn’t think so.
- He’s loaded. OK, so my sequencing doesn’t accurately reflect my priorities. Shoot me.
- He knows what to do with the feather. Didn’t thinkI’d leave that one out, did you?
- He knows that life is really about the little things. Whoa. That one was geniune. How’d that get in there?
- He appreciates fine poetry. Girls, stand in line to have him recite this one to you. Whew. I know. Here, you can use my paper fan.
- And finally, despite the fact that he only scored a B- on an 8th grade math test and probably won’t be the one to help the kids with their homework, he’s still got lessons to pass on to the youngins!! I think I’ll even chance reproduction.
Now, I know the haters are lining up to spew their venom in my direction. Back off!! Hate, though you might, this one is mine. Isn’t he dreamy?
Dare me, do you?