Going to the Chapel and We’re Gonna Get Married….

OK, now that the cat is out of the bag (see comments from post below) I can fill you all in on the 15 reasons why I’m going to marry Andy of From the Outside and have his children.

  1. He’s white. Yeah, that’s right. I said it. I’m not sure what kind of sandals he wears, but he’s close enough to my Birkenstock Man for government work. Do you guys remember when I swore off brothers? Problem solved.
  2. He cooks. Now, what women alive wouldn’t jump at the chance to get hitched to a man who knows his way around the kitchen? At least I know that on the nights I just don’t feel like cooking, I’m not sentenced to take-out, necessarily. Back off, Ladies. He’s MINE.
  3. He has super-high metabolism. And I hope like hell I catch it.
  4. He’s handy. Honey-do list, here we go. He’s already been broken in by the women in his office. And even if he’s not really broken in, he already blogged about how to get whatever I want out of him (something about asking as opposed to “bitching, moaning and complaining”). So, hey, I know the secret. No, wait, that’s carrot cake.
  5. He’s an IT guy. Look, I know women who have actually dated guys with no email address. YES. In 2006. So, rather than getting stuck with one of those losers, I thought I better cash in on this catch. Besides, he can tweak the hell out of my blog. Oooooh BABY!!!
  6. He gets women. He has acquired the keenest sense of how the world revolves (read: around US!). So, yeah. Can’t pass that up.
  7. He’s so intelligent. There’s so much I stand to learn from the depths of his infinite wisdom.
  8. And, in that infinite wisdom, he knows who to suck up to. That’s right! No matter who gets the short end of the stick, this guy’s gonna keep bringing home the bacon. Cut-throat, save your ass, sink your friends…just keep bringin’ home that check. I’ll buy the Chapstick.
  9. He is secure in his place in the universe. There’s nothing like a man who gets that women are, in fact, the superior gender. Eureka! I’m telling you, he needs to teach classes!!
  10. He’s a rock star! Show me one woman who doesn’t love a bass player. Didn’t think so.
  11. He’s loaded. OK, so my sequencing doesn’t accurately reflect my priorities. Shoot me.
  12. He knows what to do with the feather. Didn’t thinkI’d leave that one out, did you?
  13. He knows that life is really about the little things. Whoa. That one was geniune. How’d that get in there?
  14. He appreciates fine poetry. Girls, stand in line to have him recite this one to you. Whew. I know. Here, you can use my paper fan.
  15. And finally, despite the fact that he only scored a B- on an 8th grade math test and probably won’t be the one to help the kids with their homework, he’s still got lessons to pass on to the youngins!! I think I’ll even chance reproduction.

Now, I know the haters are lining up to spew their venom in my direction. Back off!! Hate, though you might, this one is mine. Isn’t he dreamy?

Dare me, do you?

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24 thoughts on “Going to the Chapel and We’re Gonna Get Married….

  1. AWWWW, WUV, TWUE WUV!!!!

    If you split your scores, your kids will have a 9/10. And they’ll be wicked high-larious, which is infinitely more important.

    Ha, mist1 said “virtual hell”!

  2. @ mist1

    “Virtual hell” is still better than real life hell. 🙂 I’ll take my chances.

    @ Heart

    WHAAAAAT? You don’t think I’ve finally learned my lesson? What did I miss this time? LOL

    @ ~m~

    Who said anything about wuv?

    @ Debbie

    Yes, indeed. You know what’s important!

  3. Damn–I LOVE Potatoes!! If you marry him can I borrow him on the weekends. The Email Inbox Follies alone would be reason enough for me!!! That and the girl he got fired!!! I absolutely LOVE the fact that he got her fired!

  4. So hes a great catch you say??? That would mean that he is gay, taken, hung up on his mother or…WANTED by the FBI….

    Just sayin’

    I am not really beleiving….y’know???

  5. Ladies, ladies…

    I’m not out to wreck Lexi’s credit or steal from her purse. I’m not gay, taken, my mom has been gone for almost 20 years (rest her soul), and I’m not wanted by the FBI, ATF, CIA, Homeland Security, the local cops, the local Elks Lodge, the Hell’s Angels, or even by those guys that wear those funny hats who drive the little teeny cars in parades.

    [Lexi, don’t read this part…] So c’mon girls, there’s plenty of me to go around!

    [Ok Lexi, you can continue reading…]

    So now, let’s get down to business.

    Lexi, darling, love of my life?

    [bowing on bended knee…]

    Would you do me the honor of making me the happiest man in the world and…….

    and…….

    and…….

    make me a carrot cake? 😉

    Lexi, I consider myself properly spanked after this AWESOMELY FUNNY post. But I’ll also say that the chances are good that I’ll double-dog-dare ya sometime again. It’s just sooooo much fun!!!

    ~macarena~ The “twue wuv” thing made me snort out loud!!! Too funny!

    I was wondering all day why my Sitemeter was going nuts. I should’ve figured Lexi was up to something!

    Love ya, Lexi! 😉

  6. You guys are hilarious. Lexi you can only marry Andy if I don’t get him first. Credit be damned and I have the perfect hideout from the FBI

  7. @ let’s pretend

    Welcome. I think you’re new here. But, um, you’ve got a fight on your hands, honey!!!

    He’s my catch. MINE. I found him first. I’ve got nothing to lose with the credit business anyway thanks to hubby #1!! Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine.

    OK. I’ll play nice and share. But only since it’s your first time here.

    Nichelle has to pay for her share.

  8. The feather part is VERY important. I’m very glad you didn’t leave that out. The rest is gravy.

    Do you know how long it took me to figure out what TWUE was???

    And any friend of potatoes is a friend of mine and has my approval to marry one of my best friends in the world. *snarl, for good measure*

  9. Lex -n- Andy, Best wishes for a life full of happiness and love (and at least 10 kids). Peace, love, and much cheesecake — or carrot cake, if that’s your thing. I wish you all the best! LOL

  10. @ Nichelle: That would be where the FBI comes in…Credit, fraud, stealing her Identity….

    Les stop that laughing…It happens….~ahem~ I not saying anything more w/out my lawyers…

    Crap I have said too much…

    @Andy: should you register on line together?

  11. dang girl.. i been crazy busy with pre-christmas stuff and you done gone and planned to get married!! dang.. i am ALWAYS late for the good stuff!!
    I am running to a luncheon but I will be back later to follow this up!!

  12. You know what…I had a secret crush on Mr. Handy Dandy IT ANDY! Dang Lexi, you are blocking!!! But, hey, who am I to stand in the way of twue wuv. Best wishes to the both of you and may your list of priorities always stay well organized!! Ha!

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