Hot Pink Satin and Rhinestone Pumps

I know I promised you guys pictures of church ladies in hats, but I don’t feel like uploading them. It’s not worth it anyway. I only got shots of folk’s backs since I could never figure out how to turn off the flash in time to get their faces. The lady I have the most pics of was cursing out the front desk staff at the hotel because the shuttle left her. I. kid. you. not. I thought I’d pee on myself. Oh, and she was shaking her cane in their faces. Can someone please tell me why someone who needs a cane was walking around in 3 inch hot pink satin and rhinestone pumps (over which her swollen ankles were pouring) that matched her suit made of the same? Maybe she had the cane so that she could walk in those shoes. Instead she was using it to part the Red Sea and call down a hotel shuttle from heaven, so maybe she didn’t really need it after all. Oh well. Enough of that for now.

Do you know what today is? Today is the day of my first session with my health consultant that I told you about in this post. It was a good session. She sent me a box of goodies beforehand that I wasn’t supposed to open until tonight. Do you think I succeeded? Hell no. I was all up in that box yesterday. By the session tonight I had read everything in it for tonight’s session and marked 27 recipes to try in my greens cookbook. Yes, that’s right a whole cookbook devoted to greens. I’m supposed to try 2 recipes using greens I’ve never eaten before. Why would anyone eat dandelions? I don’t know either, but I’ll tell you how it goes before the week is out. Please tell me about your favorite recipes for green leafy veggies (minus the hog maws, fat back, and streak-o-lean please). I hate lettuce people. I don’t know what my deal is, but I think if it as filler, not food. It’s getting too cold for salad anyway, in my book…so think fall cozy “pot liquor” creating greens. The book spells it “pot likker”, but they must have been going for PC or something.

So, T, my health consultant is kind of a trainer therapist hybird of sorts. We needed to talk about the real issues going on with me in order to get at my attitudes and behaviors around food. We came to come conclusions tonight. Would you like to take a guess? Go ahead. Say what you’re thinking. Does it start with, “Lexi has issues…”? Ding. Ding. Ding. Jackpot. Issues with what you ask? Um, church maybe?? This divorce needs to be over maybe??? Time to stop living to the beat of the finger shakers maybe??? Yep. I can’t hide it. It oozes out of my pores. I love that the issues are on the surface and that I don’t have to dig deep for them. I know that they’re there and I’m not afraid of them. I was sooooo cynical last week in Memphis. I was a flat out bitch in many cases. The universe was calling me on my shit. I’m sure of it.

I know some of you may not see where I’m still hearing the finger shaking voices, but that’s because it’s in areas I can’t talk about freely here…yet. It’s coming though. I think part of the reason I’m stuck on some of these things is because I can’t use my healing place (this blog) to work through some of those thoughts. I thought of starting a secret blog to write about it all, but I won’t be able to resist publishing it. For now my thoughts are safe in my journal on my night stand. It’s only half useful though, because I don’t have the benefit of the sage feedback I get from you guys (with the exception of whomever keeps coming to my blog by googling “see girls vagina”. I swear if I figure out your IP address I will turn your ass in to the FBI, you pervert!!! ) Digression. Sorry. Suffice it to say you will have to struggle to keep up when I can blow the cap on this taboo-for-the-moment subject matter. I have soooo much to say.

So I have goals — one month, six month and one year goals. My one month goals are to cook more regularly and take all of my meals and snacks with me during the week; re-establish a regular exercise schedule; and gain control over my sugar binges. First step, clean my kitchen so that I can find space to cook. See, that’s the problem with cooking at home…dishes!! Somehow the fact that there’s just one of me doesn’t mitigate the reality of having to do all the work myself. Someone else should do the dishes and take out the garbage. Geez! Cut me some slack!

I’m going to sleep now, Lovelies. I’m going to get up early and do yoga.

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10 thoughts on “Hot Pink Satin and Rhinestone Pumps

  1. Good start with the one-month goals. Yes, I am also trying to push through hating the side effect of cooking–dishes–at my place and branch out beyond eggs and corn tortillas for every meal (I count salsa as a vegetable)! As for the issues, well, regardless of what you share publicly in this blog, you’re working through them, one word at a time. I’m there with you.

  2. I admire the cane-wielding pink fury. Did her hat match?

    Why can’t you blog some stuff?

    I thought it was “pot-licker,” meaning the food was so good, it made you lick the pot.

    I feel sorry for the person who’s having trouble finding porn. It’s hard out there for a concealer of IP.

  3. @ RG

    Thanks for the support! Salsa is definitely a veggie!!

    @ ~m~

    Of course the hat matched!

    I am, by nature I think, an open book. My attorney is of a different opinion. I’ll go with her take until things are done.

    You are probably right about pot-licker. I had never thought of that. I’m glad someone else knows what that is.

    The freak is looking for kiddie porn. That’s sick!! FREAK.

  4. Don’t worry. According to Harmful to Minors, all the online porn of that kind was put there by law enforcement. (It’s also stuff we might not agree is porn, dating no later than the ’50s.) Then the jerks Spam people, perhaps targeting what they think are sex offenders, until said targets give up and click on the ad or whatever. They also do the baiting where an adult pretends to be an underage girl and lures the guy someplace where cops & cameras are waiting. That doesn’t prove the would-be criminal would have met with or harmed a minor, it only proves he would meet with someone pretending to be one. Just like would-be johns get caught because they go for women who aren’t hookers, but cops.

    What we know as a pedophile is just a bogeyman, just as alleged terrorists are today. So if that’s not a cop trolling for something to justify the huge waste of expense, it’s someone who’ll soon be caught in said justification.

    Having said all that, is there any chance it’s for research?

  5. Dandelion leaves are used as a tea which acts like a Spring tonic to purify the blood. They are rather bitter, though, so it’s better to combine them with other greens that are familiar. The flowers heads are mainly used to dye textiles.

    I am sick so I made miso soup today in which I chopped mizuna and nori. The mizuna spoke to me in the Japanese grocery because it’s pretty and I felt that it would nourish me is a way I needed. Seaweed is full of minerals that are hard to get in a normal Western diet.

    I’m excited about your new program and look forward to reading about your new food adventures, good and not-so palatable.

    Congratulations on taking your health into your own hands. Nobody knows better than you what your body needs and in time you will become more sensitive to the ways it expresses its needs, like my being attracted to the mizuna.

  6. @ ~m~

    I’m not so sure what you mean by pedophiles being bogeymen. I know all too well from my work that they are very real and very sick and very much hurting children every single day. I’ve heard the stories; I’ve cried; I’ve vomitted. I’ve listened to victims beg not to have to face their pedophiles in a courtroom. Maybe I missed your point. I certainly hope I did.

    @ Heart

    You sound just like my consultant! Do you mean to tell me that I could have just emailed you and saved some cash?

    I am writing about my food shifts on Fine Tuning. If you look at the top of my sidebar you will see a feed from that blog indicating new posts.

    And please share your miso soup recipe. I just bought miso and really don’t know what to do with it. I just know I love it at Japanese restaurants.

  7. I haven’t eaten a wide variety of greens – I usually choose collards or mustard greens, but I did away with pork seasoning years ago and have replaced it with smoked turkey pieces – or once in an emergency I used some chicken broth – It was pretty good!

    I generally finely chop onions and sweat them in regular vegetable oil in a stockpot, then add my freshly cleaned and chopped greens. I put the various smoked turkey pieces on top -som H2O – cover and let cook on low for about an hour.

    After that I go back and stir to let the meat get to the bottom and to pull the bottom greens to the top. I also add dried red peppers to the mix and whatever seasoning I have on hand.

    I’m not sure how long I let them cook – I read a bit, stir, go online, stir, watch TV, stir and I then they’re done.

    I know you didn’t ask me anything about collard greens – I’m just weird and started typing.

    I’m glad you’re on the road to better health!

  8. Jali’s recipe sounds like mine. For you, I tried to do the meatless greens the other day. The next day, I put smoked turkey in them. Then and only then could I eat them!

    I only like collards. Sorry, I’m country and I like tasty food. I’ll eat healthier, but I cannot eat grass. And dandelions, my friend, IS GRASS!! (Ebonics intentional.)

    Just (half-way) joking.

    So Mother Pinkness was cursing out the hotel because her feet couldn’t carry her to the shuttle on time? That is priceless.

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