We Have to Get through this TOGETHER

Granny and Her Twin Sister
Granny and Her Twin Sister at their 90th Birthday Party March 23, 2008

I am sad today–sad and disappointed. I am sad because my Granny is on life support now. I am disappointed because while, for a long time, I was encouraged by the way my family has stood strong and supported one another and my Granny through all of this, the inevitable has come — the factions. On one hand there’s the larger group who has accepted that Granny is 90 and has lived a good life, who has read the handwriting on the walls and paid attention to the medical information that is available, who realizes that this is the end. Then there’s the smaller group that hopes against hope and possibly reinterprets the medical information just a bit to suit the denial. There are a few who move between the two groups. At times, like now, the two groups lose focus and turn on each other because neither wants to concede that the other might have valid reasons to believe what they believe. After re-reading the sentences I just wrote, I think it is obvious to all which group I am in. As much as I want everyone to see things the way I do, I acknowledge everyone’s right to deal with this in his own way. But the differences in perspective and accompanying actions are being taken personally now and I stood in the middle for a while trying to bridge the gap. It’s sad that, while my grandmother is clinging to the last moments of her life, we are in the waiting area and hallway divided and offended. I am sure everyone wants to be spending this time with her, thinking of her — but our emotions have gotten the best of us and my biggest fear for my family is unfolding before my eyes — that her death will be the event that divides us forever. She’d be crushed by that reality. I hope with everything in me that we rise above this moment and make her proud.

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6 thoughts on “We Have to Get through this TOGETHER

  1. Is it because those in denial think a lack of hope is keeping Granny from recovering? I can’t think of another reason not to let everyone get through, privately, however they like, or to put that energy into supporting Granny’s twin. I hope y’all can summon Granny’s frankness and give her the sendoff she would like.

    Take care of yourself.

  2. @ Debbie

    I hope so too. I know you’re right.

    @ ~m~

    Thank you. I am trying to take care of myself and hope others can do the same.

    And, yes, I do think it’s the idea that “negative” thoughts can somehow change the situation. I have wondered often as I am rethinking my beliefs how much one’s belief system impacts one’s personal suffering.

    I asked a friend who I thought was suffering despair because life wasn’t going the way he believed a scripture indicated that it should if he thought that his belief system was the cause of his suffering. He emphatically answered, no. But I think it does. I think that when we believe that if we pray hard enough God will perform miracles (even against an individual’s will to give up) we set ourselves up to be sorely disappointed with God and with ourselves for our own lack of faith or diligent prayer if things follow their natural course and don’t turn out the way one hoped. I think there’s a bit of that going on here. _

  3. Such beautiful women! You are lucky indeed to come from that enchanted gene pool.

    Hopefully your family’s mutual love for your grandmother and for each other will eventually smooth over the bumps. Any other outcome is unthinkable.

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