On Having Babies…

I decided to leave my last post up until the feeling subsided. I am a little better now, but left with lots of thoughts/questions about the entire phenomenon.

  1. I have been told that women experience a peak in their sex drive in their late thirties. Is said peak what I am currently experiencing? If so, anybody have any suggestions for how to deal with this, short of an on call boy-toy to do my bidding?
  2. I wonder if there is any connection with the loud ass ticking of my bio-clock? I am nothing if not in tune with my body. I know that I experience a spike in my sex drive between the 14th and 19th day of my cycle, give or take a day on either end. I know the moment I am ovulating; I experience Mittelschmerz ever single, solitary month of my life. I can tell you which ovary is having its turn that month! I guess that’s a good thing — that I’m still ovulating regularly. But I’m off topic. Lately I have been getting ravenously horny instead of my normal horny during ovulation and the week following. I think my body is screaming at me: Look YOU, if you want to have a baby, you better get busy NOW because we’re running out of good eggs!!! I wonder if that’s it?
  3. Watching all of my family surround my grandmother when she passed and in the weeks leading up to her death has also affected me greatly. She had 11 grandchildren and 3 great-grandchildren. All but 1 were there with her in her last days. Do you know why she was surrounded by this host of love? Because she had kids!! 3 she gave birth to and 5 she fostered (2 of whom I consider my aunt and uncle just like my father’s blood siblings). I shudder to think of what my grandmother’s treatment would have been like in that hospital had they not known we were there and if we weren’t that one of us would be there at any given moment! My grandmother begged us not to leave her alone. Fuck health care “professionals” who treat elderly people like shit. OMG, I can’t even talk about that. All I can say is that I don’t want to be old and alone in a health care facility with no one to fight for me and make sure I receive proper care. In my mind, that means I need to have kids. At least one. I know there are no guarantees that my kids will be normal and humane to me, but I increase my odds by at least having ’em, right?

These thoughts of progeny have me considering my options. I am open to most of the available possibilities, I just have to decide which is right for me. I shall be pondering these for while:

  1. Find a decent guy with whom to enter into a committed loving relationship who wants to have children — soon. Get pregnant the conventional way and birth my own baby (or babies). Sidebar: twins are rampant in my family–every generation, no skipping. None of my cousins nor my brother want to be graced with the honor. I would LOVE to be the one for a couple of reason. First, I am certain that I will only lend my body to parasitic body-snatchers once. Secondly, I fostered 1 year old twins for a while. It was great!!! I miss them and my heart just ached to think of them.
  2. Adopt as a single parent.
  3. Be artificially inseminated.
  4. Be traditionally inseminated by a friend who gets an all clear pass on parental obligations/rights.
  5. Be traditionally inseminated by a friend and co-parent as a non-couple.
  6. Trick some guy into knocking me up by sticking pin-holes in condoms.

OK, so I am not really considering #6, but it seemed to fit in the list of options.

Here are my thoughts on the options:

  1. Too much depends on someone else and perfect timing. As much as I am starting to learn what it means to take control of one’s destiny, I don’t want a lifelong relationship to develop against the clock. I will say that this option is probably my ideal, but I am not so married to it that I won’t consider the others.
  2. I am really open to adoption. In fact, I will probably adopt whether I have my own child or not. It’s something I feel called to in a way. But it’s expensive and I need “approval”. No one does a home visit when someone is thinking of getting pregnant, but talk about adoption and now everybody’s all up in your credit score and what not. I understand why, of course. But the process seems as intrusive as the Top Secret Clearance process I passed on — and consequentially, my job with NSA.
  3. I always get stuck at this question when I consider artificial insemination: Mommy, why would you deliberately choose to bring me into the world without a father?
  4. The same question comes to mind with a traditional sperm donor. I think it would be even harder to say, but you do have a daddy, baby. Mommy just signed papers and promised not to ever tell you who he is.
  5. This is a really viable option for me, should such a friend want children but just not be a good fit for a relationship. I would prefer someone who doesn’t already have children and is not already paying hefty child support payments monthly.

Any thoughts? Is my latest sex drive spike my bio-clock screaming in my ear? I can’t believe, by the way, that I am old enough to even be having this discussion. And for all of you who want to say, Oh, Lex, women are having babies way into their forties and fifties — my line of women menstruate and menopause early! I think mom’s last period was before she was 45!!

P.S. – Mommy will love that her honorable mention in this post is about her period, don’t ya think?

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9 thoughts on “On Having Babies…

  1. I think about having kids about 5 times a day. I’m giving myself until I’m 37 to find a mate (sounds primitive, doesn’t it) and if I don’t by then…I’m just having a kid. I’ll probably go to a sperm bank or something like that.

    I’d love to adopt, but they put you through so much bullshit that I’m not sure if I’m up for that. Not when I can go out and just get pregnant. If I could do both, I totally would.

    I always find it curious that adoption is so difficult. Any crackwhore/asshole can get pregnant and have a baby, and then fuck it up, yet decent people who have trouble getting pregnant are put through hell. I know that they have to have some kind of screening process, but it seems so strange when there are so many kids in the system that need parents.

    The women in my family are biblically fertile, like a man sneezes on them and there’s a baby in 9 months. Now that I think about it, knowing my luck I’ll be the one woman in my family that can’t get knocked up.

    Oh, and I don’t think the horniness is due to the biological clock. It’s because the testosterone levels in a woman’s body start to rise during middle age (yes, late thirties is the beginning of middle age) and that’s why your sex drive is higher. Men peak earlier because the testosterone is going nuts in them when they are in the late teens/early twenties, but as they age their levels of the hormone drop:(

  2. Oh man. I succumbed to the baby fever when I was 20 so I just don’t know. I had two babies by the time I was 24 which was fine cept I was married to a man who made my skin crawl. I married just cuz I wanted kids.

    If there isn’t a man in your life you love with all your heart, don’t marry him just for da babies. If you can afford to do it on your own, do it.

  3. @ Debbie

    37 sounds like a reasonable limit. I’ll give myself a little while to explore all of my options before I make a decision.

    And I knew I could count on you for the 4-1-1 on my horniness. Testosterone, huh? Might that interfere with my pregnancy goals?

    And I also hear you telling me to find a 19 year old — which is just fine with me. As long as he doesn’t open his mouth to speak.

    @ Franki

    OMG, had I had kids at 20, I would be paying out my ass for therapy right about now. I am sure of it. I don’t know that I’ll ever marry again, but I won’t get into a committed relationship just for babies or any other reason than loving him with all my heart and wanting to share my life with his fun, interesting self. That said, I don’t know it that will happen in my limited time frame, should I choose to do this your way–via the loins. I’ll start checking into how much this is gonna cost me alternatively.

  4. I was always horniest during ovulation. It’s Nature’s way of ensuring that we procreate. (And that’s why the hormones are highest at that time.)

    I agree totally about not marrying for children, and also an arrangement with a friend to make a child with no parenting obligation could backfire if he changes his mind after the birth, especially if you subsequently become involved with another man who would effectively become your child’s daddy.

    It’s obscene that they make adoption so difficult for well-meaning people while nobody is monitoring the reproductive habits of crack whores. Meanwhile, babies languish in foster care and orphanages.

    One bright note I can add: Women who menstruate early usually menopause late while those who reach puberty late tend to reach menopause early, although you would think that things would balance out. Your mom’s early pause may have been attributable to her illness. My mother started late and ended at 42 and I started at 11 and was well into my 50’s when it ended, not that I would have chosen to have a child at that age. I’m just saying.

  5. I meant to add that you will be a wonderful mother no matter which course you choose. I very much hope that the happily ever after option comes to you soon, and look forward to the beautiful baby pictures you will post.

  6. haha. i’ve been meaning to blog about this same topic for a while now.

    i’m in that 30s raging libido phase and quite loving it. i’ve never experienced PMS until i hit 33, and it arrives by way of becoming overly treacly and an inexplicable urge to procreate.

    i’ve been thinking about the options you list (re: kidlets) but i’m kinda with someone now who’s just as happily on the fence as i am about children.

    truth be told, i’d rather adopt. the thought of squeezing a watermelon out my coochie is frightening, to say the least.

  7. ironically, my kids have their first therapy appointment next wednesday, but i don’t think it was me having them too young. marrying the wrong guy didn’t help, but our divorce was amicable and the kids were well adjusted and happy…until the step-wife arrived.

    i’m not sure i had a choice in the baby fever…i was nuts…and i don’t even really like kids. hormones are dangerous. but i’m happy now…by the time i’m 45, both of my boys will be off to college and i will start the next phase of living.

    anyway, i’m interested in your journey.

  8. I didn’t try to have my kids, but was fortunate enough to have them with my best friend, whom I happened to be married to. I don’t mean that in a corny way, it’s true. If we weren’t friends first and foremost, parenting alone might have been the death of our marriage.

    Parenting together is a lifelong commitment.

    I think horniness is part of the monthly cycle. I have experienced the same thing.

    I always thought you would end up with twins! We must have discussed this before.

    You’ll be a great mom!

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