I have spent the last couple of weeks turning over in my head all of the possible next steps I can make right now to get from where I am to the life I really want. It has required some soul searching and prioritizing (which inherently includes sacrifice, I admit), but I think I’ve reached some decisions. The first question I needed to answer for myself was: Lex, what is your top priority, your highest purpose?
My top priority is to walk the life path I believe I am here to walk. I have a really good idea about what that is, and it involves a life’s work in holistic health and healing. I want to open a wellness center that provides helpers, community and guidance for those who are done with being sick and tired and are ready to choose a life of optimal health in mind, body and spirit.
Someone once told me that if you want to really know what a person’s priorities are, look at her checkbook. Well, if my checkbook is any indication of my priorities, my top priority is my privacy, following at a distant second is my personal health and wellness. Third would be the duties and obligations I can’t avoid and bringing up the rear would be preparing for the life I want.
I have sat with those priorities in perspective for a couple of days now to see how I really feel about them. I have concluded that, while I enjoy my privacy, it is not the most important thing in my life and, since it is not the most important thing, the lion’s share of my resources should not be going to supporting it’s position at the top of the list. Preparing for the life I want involves several trainings and certifications before I am ready to open the wellness center. I can’t afford any of them while attempting to maintain my current lifestyle. Something has to give. It has taken some soul searching and meditation to arrive at my decision — I am going to move home with my parents for a while.
I am trying not to see it as a step backwards. In this culture we value independence to a fault, I think. Other cultures live in or come to this country with an appreciation for living in community, as it affords them the opportunities to meet their collective and individual goals. Americans, I believe, are so consumed with this image of being “on your own” and “having your own” that most of us have nothing to show for it other than “being on one’s own”, whatever that means.
I figure, for the money I’ll save by living at home, I can have at least 2 certifications under my belt by the end of the year. In January I start my holistic health practitioner training so, by July, when it ends, that will be 3 trainings in the pocket. I’ll be ready to open my wellness center by the end of 2009. If I stay out here paying rent and all the additional living expenses, all I’ll have by the end of 2009 is more lost time when I could have been building my future.
Am I deluding myself to believe that it will be easy to move home at 35? No. I know what I am up against, but in the scheme of things, I have lived with my parents most of my life. I know them and they know me. The freedom from financial worries and the stress that accompanies lack of direction will make me a much easier person to live with than ever before, and the excitement I’ll have oozing from my pores about the new things I am learning will trump any challenges the adjustment will surely bring.
I considered this decision this time last year when my lease was up, but I wasn’t ready yet. Now, as I am thinking about the kind of life I want for myself and for the child I plan to have in a few years, this is a necessary move to get me to where I want to be.
So, I’m headed home folks. For a little while at least.
Wish me luck.
On Second Thought... 
That sounds like an excellent idea! You will be able to help your parents, too. Many families do that sort of thing… live together so that there are greater financial resources to create things. I agree with you completely about the fierce independence which really does create a lot of suffering.
Too bad there isn’t something more communal that would be good for people who like their families. Something like a dorm suite, so that there isn’t authority or turf war from you living in your elders’ house or, perhaps later, them living in yours. I remember you get along great with your dad, so I hope the experience is akin to navigating a pond via lily pads.
GOOD LUCK! I hope and pray that your experience is not like mine. Of course those were different circumstances because they were in-laws, not my parents. It did however, afford us the opportunity to pay off most of our debts and purchase a home. There is a lot to be said for communal living and I’m sure you will be a help to your parents as they will be to you. May I visit your health center when it opens? I need it!
P.S.
At least you’re not moving hundreds of miles away anymore. I don’t know how often I’d get to Texas (selfish, I know).
Glad that you’ve made some choices in your own favor! You will never regret the active pursuit of real goals.
Study away!
Of course I think it’s great, because you will be closer to me, but I know that this move is not taken lightly. It’s hard to give up privacy at our age, and even harder to give up control.
Having someone else tell you when it’s time to clean up, or controlling the air conditioning and all those things that come up when living with parents will not be easy to deal with.
Just know that you have a place to crash when things get hectic and you need a break. I will be there to remind you of the big payoff in the end – less financial worry!
Thanks everybody for the encouragement. I think some folks have more anticipation of difficulty for me in this than I have ever considered! It’s not hard living with my parents. I laughed out loud at the thought of being told when to clean up. They are so not like that.
Maybe I am a little spoiled, but living with my parents will be akin to a celebrity being waited on hand and foot. The frustration will be getting them to realize that I will survive if they don’t take care of my every need. I am actually looking forward to this. The last time I lived with them I was in crisis. This time and am making wonderful progress towards the life I want. I am realizing that so many people have no idea what this experience is like.
I am glad to be moving in with them and glad to have this time close to them after living so far away and not visiting nearly enough for the last 3 years.
AND — they have a dog! Yay!