I had a revelation today while yacking it up with a friend of mine on the phone tonight.  We were talking about the merits of having a baby versus (my words) buying a baby.  I said, kinda tongue in cheek, that I think I’ll try to have one because that’s cheaper than trying to buy one.  I mean, think about it.  Somebody on a budget doesn’t really need to be at an open house at an orphanage.  I joked that I’d be the one asking which kid was on clearance.  I noted that that is exactly the same way I make all other purchases in my life — how good of a product can I get on the cheap — and that buying a kid would be no different.  Then it happened.  The revelation.

This is how I make decisions in my life about men too!  I’ve bought from the clearance rack!  Slightly irregular, a button I can sew back on, a stain on the collar that I can wash out, broken zipper I’ll use to negotiate the price at the counter — but otherwise, he’s a perfectly good man.  Ha!  What a breakthrough.  My cheapness runs  deeper than my wallet.

I have sold myself short.  I have believed that I don’t deserve to shop from the front of the store.  Instead of shopping for what I really want,  or waiting for what I really want to come into the store, I settle for the low hanging fruit which require less energy (and money) to acquire.  I have settled for the clearance rack.  This is eye-opening.

I have lost 23 pounds since October.  My clothes look silly falling off of me.  I need to buy new ones, but I have a lot more weight to lose, so I don’t really want to spend a lot of money on this in-between size.  I was all set to go to the clearance rack of the already discount store of God — Marshall’s– to find a pair of cheap black slacks and a pair of jeans that fit.  Maybe, just maybe, I need to go buy a pair from the front of the store as an object lesson that I deserve and can have better.  I love a good bargain, but the clearance rack is not the place to shop for life partners or kids.  Eureka!


6 thoughts on “Clearance

  1. So I am not alone in saying that all those adoption fees (including the nonrefundable ones!!!!) add up to buying a child.

    You might could do with Why Smart People Make Big Money Mistakes – and How to Correct Them. An eye-opener for me was that it’s only a bargain if you would’ve paid that price anyway. I think that applies to your approach to men.

  2. Your epiphany about how you chose men (past tense) could have been mine, too. I always believed that there was good in them, even if I was the only one who could see it, and that with enough nurturing, energy and money on my part, those bargain basement men could fulfill their highest potential. (Even though they clearly didn’t want to.)

    It’s all about self-esteem.

    When you don’t value yourself enough, others don’t either.

    Make a shopping list of all the qualities you want in a man because when you are clear about what you want and deserve, the universe provides it – like magic.

  3. @ Macarena

    Tell me more about it only being a bargain if I would have paid that for it anyway. If I would hvae paid the full price?

    @ Susan

    I believe that with every fiber of my being. More on that in the next post.

    @ rawdogb

    Word! I better learn to sew.

  4. Why would you settle for a clearance rack man when you are such a ‘designer label’. You are such a special person with so many wonderful qualities! Of course life is a learning experience and your epiphany is right on time for that quality person to come along that you deserve.

  5. run out and buy ONE pair of jeans, whatever the cost, that look fabulous on you at your current 27lb lighter weight. you deserve it. it will help you keep the weight off and continue to lose. check out Express…their curvy fit (only about $60) looks amazing (on me at least). i lost 50lb over past year and half, and it does help you to look good along the way.

    men on clearance….ahhh yes. i just read “the rules”, that 90s book so maligned for being 1950s manipulative. it’s really about preventing girls like us, who see the good, who are (too) low maintenance, to put up with crap. it wont make anyone fall in love with you, but it will help weed out the ones who wont love you enough. and i dont know about you, but when they dont love me enough, i become the occasional nutjob. trying to implement ‘rules’ going forward….we’ll see what happens.

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