I had a revelation today while yacking it up with a friend of mine on the phone tonight. We were talking about the merits of having a baby versus (my words) buying a baby. I said, kinda tongue in cheek, that I think I’ll try to have one because that’s cheaper than trying to buy one. I mean, think about it. Somebody on a budget doesn’t really need to be at an open house at an orphanage. I joked that I’d be the one asking which kid was on clearance. I noted that that is exactly the same way I make all other purchases in my life — how good of a product can I get on the cheap — and that buying a kid would be no different. Then it happened. The revelation.
This is how I make decisions in my life about men too! I’ve bought from the clearance rack! Slightly irregular, a button I can sew back on, a stain on the collar that I can wash out, broken zipper I’ll use to negotiate the price at the counter — but otherwise, he’s a perfectly good man. Ha! What a breakthrough. My cheapness runs deeper than my wallet.
I have sold myself short. I have believed that I don’t deserve to shop from the front of the store. Instead of shopping for what I really want, or waiting for what I really want to come into the store, I settle for the low hanging fruit which require less energy (and money) to acquire. I have settled for the clearance rack. This is eye-opening.
I have lost 23 pounds since October. My clothes look silly falling off of me. I need to buy new ones, but I have a lot more weight to lose, so I don’t really want to spend a lot of money on this in-between size. I was all set to go to the clearance rack of the already discount store of God — Marshall’s– to find a pair of cheap black slacks and a pair of jeans that fit. Maybe, just maybe, I need to go buy a pair from the front of the store as an object lesson that I deserve and can have better. I love a good bargain, but the clearance rack is not the place to shop for life partners or kids. Eureka!