I have spent the last couple of weeks turning over in my head all of the possible next steps I can make right now to get from where I am to the life I really want. It has required some soul searching and prioritizing (which inherently includes sacrifice, I admit), but I think I’ve reached some decisions. The first question I needed to answer for myself was: Lex, what is your top priority, your highest purpose?
My top priority is to walk the life path I believe I am here to walk. I have a really good idea about what that is, and it involves a life’s work in holistic health and healing. I want to open a wellness center that provides helpers, community and guidance for those who are done with being sick and tired and are ready to choose a life of optimal health in mind, body and spirit.
Someone once told me that if you want to really know what a person’s priorities are, look at her checkbook. Well, if my checkbook is any indication of my priorities, my top priority is my privacy, following at a distant second is my personal health and wellness. Third would be the duties and obligations I can’t avoid and bringing up the rear would be preparing for the life I want.
I have sat with those priorities in perspective for a couple of days now to see how I really feel about them. I have concluded that, while I enjoy my privacy, it is not the most important thing in my life and, since it is not the most important thing, the lion’s share of my resources should not be going to supporting it’s position at the top of the list. Preparing for the life I want involves several trainings and certifications before I am ready to open the wellness center. I can’t afford any of them while attempting to maintain my current lifestyle. Something has to give. It has taken some soul searching and meditation to arrive at my decision — I am going to move home with my parents for a while.
I am trying not to see it as a step backwards. In this culture we value independence to a fault, I think. Other cultures live in or come to this country with an appreciation for living in community, as it affords them the opportunities to meet their collective and individual goals. Americans, I believe, are so consumed with this image of being “on your own” and “having your own” that most of us have nothing to show for it other than “being on one’s own”, whatever that means.
I figure, for the money I’ll save by living at home, I can have at least 2 certifications under my belt by the end of the year. In January I start my holistic health practitioner training so, by July, when it ends, that will be 3 trainings in the pocket. I’ll be ready to open my wellness center by the end of 2009. If I stay out here paying rent and all the additional living expenses, all I’ll have by the end of 2009 is more lost time when I could have been building my future.
Am I deluding myself to believe that it will be easy to move home at 35? No. I know what I am up against, but in the scheme of things, I have lived with my parents most of my life. I know them and they know me. The freedom from financial worries and the stress that accompanies lack of direction will make me a much easier person to live with than ever before, and the excitement I’ll have oozing from my pores about the new things I am learning will trump any challenges the adjustment will surely bring.
I considered this decision this time last year when my lease was up, but I wasn’t ready yet. Now, as I am thinking about the kind of life I want for myself and for the child I plan to have in a few years, this is a necessary move to get me to where I want to be.
So, I’m headed home folks. For a little while at least.
Wish me luck.