Another Take on Sarah, Bristol and Trig

Even if Trig is Sarah’s grandson…

Even if she lied to cover up her daughter’s pregnancy…

Even if the real pregnancy was last year, not this year…

Even if she went to heroic efforts post pregnancy to appear to be a superwoman…

Even if she is beautiful and inexperienced…

I believe people are only motivated by two things: love and fear.

So, I can understand a mother loving her daughter so much that she’d want to protect her reputation and take responsibility for her baby’s baby.  

I can understand the fear that the judgement of others that she may have shown herself would come home to roost upon her own child.

I can understand the fear of being judged as less than adequate because of being a woman, with the unique things womanhood calls us to — like giving birth and nursing.

I can understand loving a set of ideals so much that you’d defend them, even when they make you look hypocritcal when compared with your own reality.

I can understand loving the idea of women getting the chance they deserve in a male dominated society to prove that we are equal and capable and respectable, even when not the right woman for the task.

And while I can understand the motivations behind real and imaginary acts that may have led to an incredible set of circumstances– I disagree with her politics.  I disagree that she would be a capable leader for this country.  I disagree with the politics of her party.

Even though I understand that we have all been motivated to lie at some time or another by love and fear, I will vote for and strongly campaign on behalf of Barack Obama and Joe Biden.

The change this country needs is exemplified by the man who said that this woman’s personal family situation is “off limits”.  The change this country needs is the refusal to jump on the bandwagon and the rumor mill to mudsling through this political process. 

We have a choice about how we use our voices here in the blogosphere.  I choose to use mine to say, cool it!  There’s a 17-year old girl and and tiny baby boy with special needs whose lives will be affected by this — whose lives are being affected.  Even if mom is responsible in any way for this, we don’t need to contribute to it.

If you are interested in  and engaged in the banter about Trig’s maternity because you think it demonstrates your support for Barack — think again.  This mess is business as usual.  He is about change.  Hands off guys — let’s talk about politics and experience.  There’s fair ground.  And, in my opinion, there are enough facts right there to make one’s case against the GOP ticket without having to involve this mother’s fear or love for her children.

Be the change you want to see in the world.

What is change you can believe in?  What is the change we need?  It starts with me.  It starts with you.  We need to step up to the plate and examine our own contributions to business as usual.

Always Welcome

I have spent the last couple of weeks turning over in my head all of the possible next steps I can make right now to get from where I am to the life I really want.  It has required some soul searching and prioritizing (which inherently includes sacrifice, I admit), but I think I’ve reached some decisions. The first question I needed to answer for myself was: Lex, what is your top priority, your highest purpose?

My top priority is to walk the life path I believe I am here to walk.  I have a really good idea about what that is, and it involves a life’s work in holistic health and healing.  I want to open a wellness center that provides helpers, community and guidance for those who are done with being sick and tired and are ready to choose a life of optimal health in mind, body and spirit.

Someone once told me that if you want to really know what a person’s priorities are, look at her checkbook.  Well, if my checkbook is any indication of my priorities, my top priority is my privacy, following at a distant second is my personal health and wellness.  Third would be the duties and obligations I can’t avoid and bringing up the rear would be preparing for the life I want.

I have sat with those priorities in perspective for a couple of days now to see how I really feel about them.  I have concluded that, while I enjoy my privacy, it is not the most important thing in my life and, since it is not the most important thing, the lion’s share of my resources should not be going to supporting it’s position at the top of the list.  Preparing for the life I want involves several trainings and certifications before I am ready to open the wellness center.  I can’t afford any of them while attempting to maintain my current lifestyle.  Something has to give.  It has taken some soul searching and meditation to arrive at my decision — I am going to move home with my parents for a while.

I am trying not to see it as a step backwards.  In this culture we value independence to a fault, I think.  Other cultures live in or come to this country with an appreciation for living in community, as it affords them the opportunities to meet their collective and individual goals.  Americans, I believe, are so consumed with this image of being “on your own” and “having your own” that most of us have nothing to show for it other than “being on one’s own”, whatever that means.

I figure, for the money I’ll save by living at home, I can have at least 2 certifications under my belt by the end of the year.  In January I start my holistic health practitioner training so, by July, when it ends, that will be 3 trainings in the pocket.  I’ll be ready to open my wellness center by the end of 2009.  If I stay out here paying rent and all the additional living expenses, all I’ll have by the end of 2009 is more lost time when I could have been building my future.

Am I deluding myself to believe that it will be easy to move home at 35?  No.  I know what I am up against, but in the scheme of things, I have lived with my parents most of my life.  I know them and they know me.  The freedom from financial worries and the stress that accompanies lack of direction will make me a much easier person to live with than ever before, and the excitement I’ll have oozing from my pores about the new things I am learning will trump any challenges the adjustment will surely bring.

I considered this decision this time last year when my lease was up, but I wasn’t ready yet.  Now, as I am thinking about the kind of life I want for myself and for the child I plan to have in a few years, this is a necessary move to get me to where I want to be.

So, I’m headed home folks.  For a little while at least.

Wish me luck.

On Having Babies…

I decided to leave my last post up until the feeling subsided. I am a little better now, but left with lots of thoughts/questions about the entire phenomenon.

  1. I have been told that women experience a peak in their sex drive in their late thirties. Is said peak what I am currently experiencing? If so, anybody have any suggestions for how to deal with this, short of an on call boy-toy to do my bidding?
  2. I wonder if there is any connection with the loud ass ticking of my bio-clock? I am nothing if not in tune with my body. I know that I experience a spike in my sex drive between the 14th and 19th day of my cycle, give or take a day on either end. I know the moment I am ovulating; I experience Mittelschmerz ever single, solitary month of my life. I can tell you which ovary is having its turn that month! I guess that’s a good thing — that I’m still ovulating regularly. But I’m off topic. Lately I have been getting ravenously horny instead of my normal horny during ovulation and the week following. I think my body is screaming at me: Look YOU, if you want to have a baby, you better get busy NOW because we’re running out of good eggs!!! I wonder if that’s it?
  3. Watching all of my family surround my grandmother when she passed and in the weeks leading up to her death has also affected me greatly. She had 11 grandchildren and 3 great-grandchildren. All but 1 were there with her in her last days. Do you know why she was surrounded by this host of love? Because she had kids!! 3 she gave birth to and 5 she fostered (2 of whom I consider my aunt and uncle just like my father’s blood siblings). I shudder to think of what my grandmother’s treatment would have been like in that hospital had they not known we were there and if we weren’t that one of us would be there at any given moment! My grandmother begged us not to leave her alone. Fuck health care “professionals” who treat elderly people like shit. OMG, I can’t even talk about that. All I can say is that I don’t want to be old and alone in a health care facility with no one to fight for me and make sure I receive proper care. In my mind, that means I need to have kids. At least one. I know there are no guarantees that my kids will be normal and humane to me, but I increase my odds by at least having ’em, right?

These thoughts of progeny have me considering my options. I am open to most of the available possibilities, I just have to decide which is right for me. I shall be pondering these for while:

  1. Find a decent guy with whom to enter into a committed loving relationship who wants to have children — soon. Get pregnant the conventional way and birth my own baby (or babies). Sidebar: twins are rampant in my family–every generation, no skipping. None of my cousins nor my brother want to be graced with the honor. I would LOVE to be the one for a couple of reason. First, I am certain that I will only lend my body to parasitic body-snatchers once. Secondly, I fostered 1 year old twins for a while. It was great!!! I miss them and my heart just ached to think of them.
  2. Adopt as a single parent.
  3. Be artificially inseminated.
  4. Be traditionally inseminated by a friend who gets an all clear pass on parental obligations/rights.
  5. Be traditionally inseminated by a friend and co-parent as a non-couple.
  6. Trick some guy into knocking me up by sticking pin-holes in condoms.

OK, so I am not really considering #6, but it seemed to fit in the list of options.

Here are my thoughts on the options:

  1. Too much depends on someone else and perfect timing. As much as I am starting to learn what it means to take control of one’s destiny, I don’t want a lifelong relationship to develop against the clock. I will say that this option is probably my ideal, but I am not so married to it that I won’t consider the others.
  2. I am really open to adoption. In fact, I will probably adopt whether I have my own child or not. It’s something I feel called to in a way. But it’s expensive and I need “approval”. No one does a home visit when someone is thinking of getting pregnant, but talk about adoption and now everybody’s all up in your credit score and what not. I understand why, of course. But the process seems as intrusive as the Top Secret Clearance process I passed on — and consequentially, my job with NSA.
  3. I always get stuck at this question when I consider artificial insemination: Mommy, why would you deliberately choose to bring me into the world without a father?
  4. The same question comes to mind with a traditional sperm donor. I think it would be even harder to say, but you do have a daddy, baby. Mommy just signed papers and promised not to ever tell you who he is.
  5. This is a really viable option for me, should such a friend want children but just not be a good fit for a relationship. I would prefer someone who doesn’t already have children and is not already paying hefty child support payments monthly.

Any thoughts? Is my latest sex drive spike my bio-clock screaming in my ear? I can’t believe, by the way, that I am old enough to even be having this discussion. And for all of you who want to say, Oh, Lex, women are having babies way into their forties and fifties — my line of women menstruate and menopause early! I think mom’s last period was before she was 45!!

P.S. – Mommy will love that her honorable mention in this post is about her period, don’t ya think?