Write the Vision

Bariloche, Argentina -- where I fell in love with mountains and lakes.

Bariloche, Argentina -- where I fell in love with mountains and lakes.

Somehow, in a conversation with a friend of mine today about how I am doing, we ended up talking about creating the life we want. He told me that he thought it was ballsy of me to be making the decisions I am making in order to have that very life. I told him that I didn’t think it was ballsy, necessarily, but that it was just a matter of getting clear about it. I honestly believe that, when we get clear about what we want, the universe sets things in motion to manifest those things. I don’t have any answers for how that works. I just know that I am witnessing it in my own life and I believe it.

I encouraged him to do an activity I did back in February and I encourage anyone here who wants to get clear on the life they want to try it as well. I read my response to the prompt for the first time today and I am so tickled by the ways I am closer I am to this life now than I was when I wrote it. Here’s the prompt and my response follows.

I was guided in this prompt by my holistic health practitioner. If there is some source I should credit for it, I am not aware of it and I will gladly give credit if someone informs me of the source.

Imagine life if nothing stopped you. What would optimal life look like?

If anything were possible quickly, easily, now — what would life look like? Who would you be? Where would you live? What would you feel like? What would you look like? How much money would you be making?

Here’s what I wrote on February 10, 2008 — complete stream of consciousness.

If nothing stopped me, I would be able to do what I wanted whenever I had the unction. I would be able to follow my heart, throw caution to the wind and be alleviated of the burden of practicality.

In my optimal life, I would be independently wealthy. I don’t care if I inherited the wealth or worked hard for it. I would be free of the daily grind of having to work according to someone else’s schedule.

I would have apartments in great cities around the word: Seattle, New York, Los Angeles, Paris, Milan, Buenos Aires, Santiago de Chile. And cottages in picturesque mountain areas: Mammoth Lakes, Aspen, Bariloche, etc.

I would visit whichever city I wanted and have complete furnishings in each place.

My family would want for nothing and be in perfect health. My parents will be retired and have everything the ever wanted. The would never have to worry about money or making sure we were okay ever again. My extended family will be able to count on e if they ever needed anything — and I would have awesome boundaries to be able to say no when/if they ever took advantage.

I would be peaceful. I would start my days peacefully and contemplatively — not worried about racing against a clock. I’d have tea in the mornings, exercise, have a healthy breakfast and begin my day.

My days would consist of contributing in some way to a cause that matters to me:

  • Lobbying on anti-violence against women issues
  • Child sexual abuse awareness
  • African-American self-image

As I look back on this, there are already things that make me cringe and ways the vision has changed. It will be interesting to observe the evolution of this vision.

I would dance and have cocktails in the evenings with friends, colleagues in my movements and/or other contemplatives.

I would feel happy, loved, fulfilled as a woman-wife-mother, socially responsible, healthy, self-aware, enlightened, energetic, serene, free.

I would sit and talk to people a lot.

I would write about the things that are ablaze in my heart at the moment.

I’d tell my story. I think I would be telling my story and encouraging others to face and share theirs.

I would be a good size 8 with muscle definition and keep breasts a D-cup still.

I would have a style all m own that a stylist would have to help me define – since I am useless at it.

My hair would be in some style that is easy to go from the gym to the boardroom with little effort.

I would look dazzling in my high-heels that don’t hurt!

I would feel deep love and devotion for someone who shares the same feelings for me. I would feel encouraged by this person to be my own person and follow my passions. We would cook together and complement each other well in our personal settings and public ones. We’d easily fit in with each other’s circle of friends–without needing to blend them necessarily.

I would have one child — a daughter who would travel with us as much as possible. She would speak at least 2 languages as I would emphasize the importance of a global perspective to her in terms of:

  • business opportunities
  • social justice
  • philosophy/religion

I would be married. I will have adopted my daughter.

I would invite family and friends to vacation with me at different times of the year at my expense. I wouldn’t want them to be worried about not being able to afford to come.

Should you choose to use the prompt and I care to share, I’d love to hear your vision.

In retrospect, there are things here that make me cringe. It will be interesting to see how the vision evolves.


Getting in My Own Way

Sometimes I have plans to sit quietly at home in the evening and enjoy a meal without television, internet or a book.  I usually am completely unsuccessful in these attempts.  At one point I thought I was avoiding the loneliness of eating alone again, and maybe that was a small part of it, but there’s more to it.  I have a hard time sitting still.

As I begin to study more about spirituality (in tremendous contrast to religion) I find that I avoid, run from, am maybe even a little afraid of that which I seek after the most.  I want to connect to that which is bigger than I.  I want to know my own soul and hear its truth and its direction.  I want answers I know I already possess, but I’m afraid to sit and listen.  I am afraid to be still and know that I am God.  (Typing that last sentence freaked me out because, as a partial quote from the Bible, my use of it will surely be interpreted as blasphemous by many. )  But it’s true– the thought of sitting and contemplating my power and my connection to everything, the thought of quieting my thoughts to find what exists beyond them entices and scares me at the same time.

I don’t feel trepidation or anything.  I’m not shaking in my boots when I think about meditating or praying or just being still and quiet – but I avoid it.  Even this weekend, as quiet and peaceful as it was, I had my books.  My mind had to remain constantly engaged.  You may have read the list in the previous post.  I am addicted.  I thirst for knowledge and am addicted to ideas.  I am beginning to realize that my addiction to ideas is impeding true knowledge—the knowledge that only comes from going within.  I sound like some freaky mystic, but I know that what I say is true.  I am avoiding myself.  I’m afraid that I am more than I ever could have imagined and I’m not sure how I’ll handle that knowledge.

I want to hear from folks who have taken the journey within.  Share your stories with me.  How did you get past the fear of the silence?  How did you force yourself to be still?  Is it incremental?  A daily practice?  A month long retreat?  Please share.