Let me tell you a story.
Once upon a time in a super tolerant and multicultural suburb of a southern state actually because it is technically is below the Mason Dixon Line and is home of the Klan and has a place called Negro Mountain, there lived a Nubian Goddess learning to embrace self-love and her purpose in the universe outside of the context of organized religion, who had excess baggage to unload so that she could move on with her new, improved, happy, healthy life.
Almost a year after choosing to unload the excess baggage of a troubled and draining marriage, she decided that she missed the comfort of sharing close quarters and a bed with another life form for the better part of six years. Instead of feeling guilty about having what she wanted, as organized religion had trained her so well to do, she decided to open up this area of her life to a friend of 14 years whom she loved dearly in the existing context and grew to love deeper in the new context. Though she enjoyed this present relationship, early on she decided that it would not progress to exclusivity or any such thing until there was official closure with excess baggage.
Then one day, about six months after friend of 14 years became a bedfellow, a high school crush who was never more than a crush since Nubian Goddess had a boyfriend at the time, found her on MySpace. They met for drinks one night and the rest was history – hot, steamy, embracing your sexual energy without shame or guilt and being free, for the first time ever, to just be yourself in bed without judgment kind of history; talking about books with someone who didn’t feel intellectually inferior kind of history; a little touch of chronic misogyny but we’ll chalk that up to being burned in passed relationships kind of history; a he got the Do Not Pick Up label in my cell phone yesterday for calling another woman and chatting it up with her in the kitchen so that Nubian Goddess could hear the conversation (both sides), while she lay naked on her couch realizing that the night had been a toss-up between two women-but still going to try to fit both in kind of history.
About six months after Do Not Pick Up came on the scene, loving friends decided that it was time to start introducing Nubian Goddess to men who were also divorced or divorcing. Somehow, in this crazy world, the shared experience of a failed marriage is imagined to bring like-minded people together. What it brought together were two damaged people who were still very sensitive and quick to project past pain on the current friendship, until they got to know each other and let their respective guards down. A terrific friendship emerged, with really fun – uh—recreation, though it was determined that this would never progress to a committed relationship, as hefty child support payments and other obligations to the old context created financial and time constraints that made for a situation he would not ask Nubian Goddess to endure. The friendship – and occasional fun—continue, pending a conversation inquiring about hope for the marriage, since 2 years of separation has not led either party to file for divorce.
About one month after Nubian Goddess had settled excess baggage situation forever, a phenomenon occurred over which she seemed to have very little control. The iron gates that prevented her from wanting anything more than momentary satisfaction from her entanglements began to disintegrate all by themselves. She found herself wanting real companionship, if not a committed relationship. This desire was devastating to the existing structure as it was never a part of any existing deals. She decided to end things with 14 year friend (now 16 year friend) she loves because she now wanted more than either of them had agreed to at this point and, rather than ask him to change, she chose to bow out and maintain their friendship. If he were interested in more, he could offer such, at his discretion. They remain close friends, although lunch yesterday was both awkward and incredibly funny. They were both convinced, if nothing else, of the strength of their love as friends – no matter what happens later.
Do Not Pick Up is history, and Separated and Satisfied has been too busy working 2 jobs to feed his babies AND put a roof over his head to have the conversation that Nubian Goddess believes will end in—let’s just be friends.
So, a clean slate – almost.
There. I said it.